I have power!!

So, it seems like I will manage to survive another jobless month.

Of the $460 I need to get everything paid, Scott has agreed to lend me $200. Not only did he agree, he thanked me for giving him the opportunity to help him, after all the help I've given him. Well how about that? I don't know that I've given him $200 worth of help (unless you consider if I'd charged him actual psychiatrist bill prices,) but it's good to know that I have people in my life so ready to come to my aid, as well as being told that I have been valuable in their lives as well. It's gratifying. Well enough to balance out the intense shame I feel having to continue asking for money.

Sean took me around today to pick up some more job applications. I really really want to have a job by my birthday. Huh, God? What do ya say? Birthday gift in the form of self-sufficiency? I think so. Still scrambling for a way to get the remaining $260 I need, but at least now I'm able to be a bit more optimistic.

Last night at Mandi's she and I had a really incredible talk. I talked about my shit in a way that I haven't really done so far, and it felt really really good to say these things out loud to someone who loves me. Mandi, should you ever read this post, thank you so much for being my best friend. You fulfill those duties far and beyond anything I could ask for. I love you.

While I am feeling somewhat better now, two hours ago I had a scare that sent me plummeting into a freakout. I thought my power had been shut off, and I am NOT in a secure enough state of mind to cope with that. Thank God for Sean, who managed to collect all my payment confirmation information and call APS for me to get it sorted out. Turns out, they'd received my payment and the power out was due to a short in the whole building. I had nothing to worry about all along. The amount of relief I've experienced today has been pretty... relieving.

And now I'm just sitting in my living room with my pets, waiting for $200 and some Burger King. When I've posted this blog, I will turn the light on (because I can =3) and read some Gambit.

I finally feel like things are going to turn out okay.